The Angry Birds Toss: A Welcome Substitute for the Garter

The groom plus three winners of the "Garter Toss" plus a slingshot monkey that we threw in last minute (photo courtesy of John Decker)

For the record, I (the groom) only joined the Angry Birds bandwagon because of an opportunity to try something different for our wedding.  Thanks to Amazon's new Android app store, I recently downloaded and installed the latest Rio game on a HTC smartphone given to me during an Oprah moment from Google's I/O developer conference two years ago.  On this phone, which is already well behind the latest generation of smartphones, the Angry Birds screech and fly across the screen like slow-motion bullets from The Matrix movie.  Despite the aged phone and incredibly slow lag time, you can still get the general idea of how to play the game by watching the YouTube promo videos and waiting the 2-seconds between when you touch and drag the birds towards the left and when you actually hear the tension of the slingshot with the birds suiting up for duty. 

My inspiration for looking for other options beyond the traditional garter toss (the custom in which the groom removes this garment from his bride and then flings this piece of fabric at many unwilling bachelors) stems from my own experience.  I had been to enough weddings that I remembered the reluctant feelings when summoned to participate, once even keeping my hands in my pockets as the garter bounced directly off me and onto the floor at a cousin's wedding.  I was determined to find an alternate form of entertainment that everyone would enthusiastically embrace.

The bride getting ready to launch a "Mooooo"-ing slingshot cow
at her single ladies for her "Bouquet Toss" (photo courtesy of John Decker)

I first stumbled upon these slingshot monkeys and slingshot cows, which had two finger slots that let you fling them across the dance floor and would make an animal sound in flight.  My fiance at the time was stoked at the idea, especially since she loves cows and wanted to make her "Bouquet toss" unique as well.  I knew this was a start, but I wanted something to up the ante on the outrageous scale for our "Garter toss."  It's when I came across these 5" beaked animals that I realized that we could use them for our wedding and invite not only the eligible bachelors but also kids to vie for the prize.  I decided to order 3 of the different birds, splurging an extra $5 for the more popular blue Angry Bird, the one that normally splits into multiple warheads when you tap the screen as it's flying through the air. 

But what would we use for our slingshot?  It's easy for the creators of the game to imagine a propelling device that could defy the laws of physics and cause the birds to have enough potential energy to crash into wood and cement, but my fiance and I discovered while practicing that the slingshots in real life only worked for small marbles.  The stuffed birds with their large diameters just didn't clear the slingshot holds, much less have enough of a seat cushion to keep the birds in place as the rubber tubing was being stretched.  

The groom plus groomsman and groomsman's wife getting ready to
launch the most prized of the Angry Birds (photo courtesy of Stan Hu)

Enter the idea of using water balloon launchers: in the days before water conservation, my brothers and I used to play in the summer with squirt guns and water weenies, which gravitated me towards thinking about what could be used to hurl H2O-based grenades.  These toys were advertised to launch balloons more than 140 yards, well past the length of a football field let alone a dance floor.  I tried to order one off UPS Next-Day delivery, but it got delayed in its shipment and therefore wouldn't arrive in time.  In the hopes that we could find a replacement the day before the wedding, I texted my brother Jeff, a groomsman, to see if he could check whether the local Big 5 Sporting Goods store in Fairfield, CA had one in stock without fully disclosing its intended purpose.  "No problem", he said.  (Later, he said jokingly about this unusual request: "I don't ask questions...I just follow orders.")  Fortunately, the local Big 5 closed late and he bought one for $20 after our rehearsal of the ceremony.  The groomsmen and I had fun practicing the next morning on the dance floor without any of the guests present in the room.

One of our guests who so proudly caught the yellow Angry Bird
for his girlfriend who asked him to catch one for her (photo courtesy of Stan Hu)

The first bird flew well into the air above the draping near the ceiling and past most of our expecting guests, and it became a mad dash for the men to grab that first one on the ground.  We heard that some guys had reshuffled their positions to increase their chances of being in the line of fire the second time around.  I had been a bit afraid that the birds might launch into the reception tables, knock down one of the candles, and ignite a small conflagration, so we purposely aimed the birds from one corner of the dance floor to another and away from any of the guest tables.  The second and third birds were launched at about the same altitude, and two guys were incredibly proud to catch them, one even leaping to the air to grab the yellow bird (see picture above).

"This was so much more awesome than a garter toss!" said one of our guests.  In general, we received compliments on all the twists and turns of the entire event, including this last piece of entertainment.  It really helped cap the evening and epitomized how we tried to keep the attendees on their toes throughout the entire day.

(If you're planning to try your own Angry Birds toss, please heed these cautionary words about candle lighting so that you'll be able to avoid any fire emergencies! Only you can prevent wedding fires!)